RELATIONSHIP OUR FAMILY
RELATIONSHIP OUR FAMILY SYSTEMS You cannot go to her house, because her greatgrandmother stepped on my grand aunt’s leg when they were neighbours at the back of our house in the village in 1892’’ As exaggerated as this might seem, this statement symbolises the sentiments that our parents hold when they do not want us to get close to some family members that may be perceived as ‘evil’. The quest for success in our generation is real; the struggle for success against all odds is real. But for some reason, in a place like Nigeria, from my observations of situations and conversations with people, being successful not only depends on your hard work but also, on the absence of evil or opposition in one’s life. Growing up, my parents shielded me from so many people. And they did this because of the suspicion and mistrust going on around at the time. They believed that no one would love my siblings and me the 14 www.glamsquadmagazine.com PerspectEVE Most times, abusers do not come as abusers else no one would be with them. But they project themselves to be very loving, caring, giving and nice. With Oludara Ogunbowale way they did and their belief is ‘’You are going to my brother’s house in Ibadan, there you would do your JAMB because I do not trust all these centres around us’’ Mum loved her brother so much and his house was one of the very few places my parents allowed us to go for holidays and maybe, she was right. My uncle is a stern man who is very fun to be with. A man who loves his family goes extra mile for them. The kind of Uncle that knocks on your door to say Óya Dara, wake up to read o, you know you have exams’ and ‘’Se o ti jeun?’’ Whose wife gives you tea on the stairs as you run along to resume at your exam centre so that your stomach is not empty while you are shading correct and wrong answers. A few of the reasons that there are elements of suspicion, jealousy, selfishness, envying and strife among families may be because of false and bitter stories passed down from generation to generation; stories that must have lost its original plot through the tainted twists that bitter, unforgiving hearts have told in order to set some unquenchable fire of ancestral suspicion! People rightly say that one of the strengths of the African culture is the family system because of its relevance and known importance in shaping the societal and cultural ideals of many African societies. However, the practices differ from one society to another and even though the structure is in place, one cannot deny the troubles that come along with it such as this. Even though TRUSTING is big and there are no guarantees as to how we would love to be treated by other family members, we can choose to be the ones who are giving, kind, content and not feel entitled when not assisted during down times as painful as that might seem. One thing I know is everyone can choose to proactively show kindness and treat family based on the reality of their character today and not on many sins committed by their fourth generations ago. Truly, patterns and habits die hard. Hurts and pain exist and healing may be a far cry from all these tales of the horrid past. Needless to say that life is filled imperfect people; those who do evil intentionally and those who are still learning to be good in their journey. Would it not be sad to judge the latter based on a one-time act of ignorance or pride and then make it a standard by which we interact with others? Well…for the intentional ones, the earth is round, so would their deeds spin right in their faces. But kind and forgiving we must. Oludara Ogunbowale Oludara Ogunbowale is a young woman who is passionate about the the development of the society through bringing to the fore,issues that are of concern to the physical and mental well-being of every individual member of the society. She believes in having values that help drive the sanctity of life. She loves to read, write, talk and watch movies.....PerspectEve....the world as it should be...
RELATIONSHIP MIMI ADEYEMI It is not easy to be a father,especially when you think of all the responsibilities attached. Everyone wants to have a child but not ready to get married. All you keep hearing is “my baby mama” not my wife. Anyone can father a child but not everyone can be a dad. Fatherhood comes with a lot of maturity. The question then is, are you ready to be a dad before bringing a child to the world. Here are things every dad should do to be seen as fantastic. YOU &I www.mimiadeyemi.com @mimiadeyemi Ways to Be Just Another 7 FANTASTIC DAD 1. LOVE AND RESPECT YOUR WIFE Being a good father starts from being a good husband. If you love and respect your wife, it will reflect in the lives of your children. Most importantly, kids grow healthier in a warm and secure environment. You must ensure you show these kids that their mum is very special to you. They feel safe with you when you show affection to their mom. 2. BE INVOLVED IN YOUR KIDS LIVES A good father can never be too busy for his kids. Also note that Kids learn fast especially when their parents are involved. They see you as a mentor. A child who lacks parental care might end up looking for help outside the home. It is the responsibility of the father to keep his home in order. He is the head of the house while his wife supports. You should always be around to be part of your child’s milestone because such days don’t come every time but it leaves a lasting memory. I remember the first time I wrote an outstanding poem in my Secondary School, my parents were invited to the school and I was celebrated. My poem was publish in the Parents Teacher’s bulletin and also placed on the school’s notice board with my picture. I felt the joy on my dad’s face when he saw my picture on the notice board. I also got the school lots of awards on poem recitation among other schools then. Such days don’t come every time and I will never forget the smile on my dad’s face even after so many years. 3. BE FAIR AMONGST YOUR KIDS There is no doubt parents love some kids more than others, but please don’t ever make it obvious to them. You must be fair amongst them. Having special interest in some kids than others destroys the confidence in them. This goes a long way in building the confidence of such child and it affects his attitude to people around him. He would feel neglected and would believe nothing good could ever come out of him. It could also create competition amongst the children and might lead to hatred. 4. LISTEN TO THEM AND UNDERSTAND THEIR EXPECTATIONS You must never underestimate the importance of communication. Being harsh to your children is not the sign of discipline. Don’t get me wrong, I am not saying it’s wrong to discipline your child. What I’m simply saying is that you must make room for effective communication between you and your kids. There are lots of things they would never tell their mother but would tell you. You must give them listening ears when they have things to say and advice them accordingly. 5. REWARD THEM APPROPRIATELY Bring a disciplinarian isn’t about purnishing your children all the time. Make room for days of reward. Reward them when they perform exceptionally, to encourage them to do more. Don’t reward them for what is expected of them, else they will feel they are doing you a favour by doing the task. Reward them when they do things extraordinarily. 6. PUNISH THEM WHEN THEY MAKE MISTAKES. If your kids know what comes after they make a mistake, they will reduce the frequency with which the mistake comes. If you purnish them now, you are building a brighter future for them. 7. BE A GOOD EXAMPLE TO YOUR CHILDREN If you want your children to behave well, you must behave well too. If you don’t want your children to be abusive, don’t abuse their mom in front from them. Children learn fast, and because they see you as a role model, whatever you do, they copy. If you don’t want them to drink and smoke, then don’t drink and smoke in front of them. If you want them to treat people well, you must also treat people around you well. This begins from the way you treat your domestic staff. When you show love to people that work for you, they learn from you and they will never be rude to these people. They also learn that these people are people like them, it’s just grace that makes you different. Mimi Adeyemi is a Sales & Marketing professional with over 10 years experience. She has good insight of shopper and consumer behaviour. She has been privileged to build and nurture new brands to achieving a sustainable growth. She is the CEO of Studio612, a full fledge Photograhy and videography studio located in Lekki, Lagos. She is also a blogger, writer and publisher of Family3ree Magazine. She holds a degree in Mass Communications and a diploma in Theatre Arts from University of Jos. She is an affiliate member of National Institute of Marketing, Nigeria. She is the brain behind Mimi Adeyemi's Blog, a relationship and Marriage blog. www.glamsquadmagazine.com 15
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