RELATIONSHIP Getting
RELATIONSHIP Getting into a new environment was very uncomfortable for me. It was my first time in the north; a twenty-three hour journey by road and very tiring. After the tedious and enjoyable three -week orientation exercise, I was posted to work in a school as a teacher, a role that I looked forward to. I was class teacher for primary four. The pupils were excited to see me and I was excited to meet them too. To my surprise, that excitement waned before the end of the week and all the energy I thought I had, had dissipated. I was angry; I was sad and maybe empathic too. The girls in my class giggled when they interacted with the male pupils and they rarely answered questions I raised while teaching. These girls were between the ages of seven and ten and they came to class regularly with a lot of makeup, rings, nose rings, and tattoos and as if that was not enough, they also had got used to not being assertive in class. When I taught in class and asked questions to engage the pupils, more often than not, the boys gave answers and the girls smiled coyly. Sometimes, a few of them did not attend classes and when I asked, they told me they were at a wedding of a family or friend. The family would rather they attend the wedding and miss classes than miss the wedding and attend classes! Sadly, one of them was married off to a wealthy man before she finished her primary education. Some months ago, I made a mistake while doing a chore at home and while I was still trying to rectify what I had done; my dad said to me “Why did you do that? You better learn how to do it better; you are going to be a wife someday.” In anger, I retorted respectfully, the anger still being expressed in my tone, ‘’Daddy, please 22 www.glamsquadmagazine.com PerspectEVE it is not enough to have children, It is more to raise those children to be excellent in all areas of life .... With Oludara Ogunbowale correct me because what I did was wrong not because I would be a wife someday.’’ My daddy with some sort of sympathy looked at his little girl who seemed innocent and oblivious of the world outside. Then, I remembered the pupils in primary four…the girls… Trained for that sole purpose! Away from the situation of primary four, this is probably a global culture. It is not just peculiar to particular cities, nations, or continents. Of course, some cultures have it to the extreme and some cultures just do not have it as extreme. But certainly, every society experiences this trend and also, supports it in subtle ways than can be acknowledged. A few days ago, another headline caught my eye ‘’ Childless woman commits suicide in Anambra” and while the news got me thinking, it also reminded me of the Danielle Saul – story that occurred in March 2016 which was reported by Daily Mail and Bella naija. A 31-year-old business development manager, who had been a bridesmaid for too many times without being in any relationship with the man of her choice, decided to take her own life, she hanged herself. I understand that without women, there would be no children and all societies would evolve from having a young population to an ageing population and this, certainly would lead to a declining population and many societies might just become extinct. That every woman should begin to reproduce and get married at certain ages is valid. But for women who do not have children, and those who have not found the right man and are well above the age that society stipulates, should they be treated like the absence of children or a man in a woman’s life is all there is to their existence? I am just curious. Are women made for bearing children alone? Truly, motherhood gives a sense of fulfilment to women but life is made for much more. Why should people define what life should be especially in those areas where one has no control over? Should one accept society’s definition of accomplishment? With a lot of stories I have read and situations I have witnessed or been a part of, I know that it is not enough to have children, It is more to raise those children to be excellent in all areas of life so they can have wholesome growth and development and be exemplary individuals who would influence their spheres of influence positively. Otherwise, there would be no need having children who would be a menace to the society. It is not enough to have a man, it is more to have a man who loves, adores and cherishes and who is committed to living out the highest values. It is not enough to get married, It is more for both partners to work assiduously at it for its success and it is not enough to be a hot chick on instagram and wear clothes that would send the heads of men to the moon and back, it is more to add value in immeasurable ways to the society. Perhaps, society can view having children and marriage as a means to an end and not just an end in itself. Posterity would probably be thankful. Oludara Ogunbowale Oludara Ogunbowale is a young woman who is passionate about the the development of the society through bringing to the fore,issues that are of concern to the physical and mental well-being of every individual member of the society. She believes in having values that help drive the sanctity of life. She loves to read, write, talk and watch movies.....PerspectEve....the world as it should be...
mimi adeyemi Marriage is the most attended institution in any part of the world. It’s a life everyone wants to live. It’s also a yardstick for leadership in churches, government and in corporate organizations. A married person is seen as responsible and accountable. It is generally believed that a married man is capable of ruling a state. He understands the rudiments of leadership and importance of people management. So who is marriage for? Marriage is for people who are ready to take responsibilities. Please note that you have signed an agreement to make someone else happy the moment you say I do. Your marriage isn’t for you, it’s for your family to provide for them and make them comfortable. That is why parents sacrifice their today for their children’s tomorrow. Everyone loves to relax at home and forget about working, but how do you take care of your family if you don’t work? Remember all you have to go through each day to make your family happy. In other words, marriage is for the following kind of people: YOU &I www.mimiadeyemi.com @mimiadeyemi Who MARRIAGE Is For? 1: People who are responsible. Being responsible makes you take ownership of situations. Taking care of your family is your responsibility and must not be neglected. If you agree that making your family happy is non negotiable, then marriage is for you. 2. People who admit their mistakes. One of the greatest parts of being responsible is admitting you messed up and making sure you make amends. This simply makes you conscious of such mistakes in future. It is difficult for you to change if you don’t admit you made a mistake in the first place. Change starts from admitting you are wrong and ready to correct your mistakes. 3. People who don’t blame others for their problems. I once met a guy who blamed his parents for every problem he had. He believed his life would have been better if his parents had sent him to a better school. Another way to accept responsibility is to stop blaming everyone around you for your predicament. Admit you were not promoted at work simply because you are not competent and delete the mindset of someone not liking you in your office. Tell yourself you were late for an appointment because you didn’t leave your house early enough and not because of traffic. No doubt, some people have it smoother than others, but you must be ready to work hard and believe life is a stage. It doesn’t matter when your friend became rich, the truth is you might be richer than him when your time comes. 4. People who are supportive. Marriage is for people who support each other in good and bad times. They have each other’s back at all times. Always there RELATIONSHIP to counsel each other on any decision to be taken, whether personal or professional. 5. People who understand the importance of communication. We can’t run away from communication in any relationship. It’s the major success factor in any marriage. Couple with strong communication have high tendency of having a successful home. 6. People who forgive easily. No two people are the same. So we can’t rule out misunderstanding in a relationship. As a matter of fact, misunderstanding makes a relationship stronger. It points out areas of improvement. But as much as misunderstanding is unavoidable, you must have a forgiving spirit. God loves people who forgive easily. In other words, marriage is for people who forgive without looking back. 7. People who are patient. Patience is a virtue most people lack. If you want to react to every issue in your marriage, there won’t be peace at all. The best way to enjoy your relationship as a woman or a man is to learn to be patient. Some women can drive men nuts, but if you decide to react to everything she does, you might kill her one day. So, marriage is for people who can control their anger no matter the situation. 8. People who apply wisdom to issues. As much as marriage is good, one needs a lot of wisdom to make it work. If you must enjoy your partner, you need wisdom. Remember you took her from people who she grew up with. So pray on a daily basis for wisdom to deal with her and people around. Mimi Adeyemi is a Sales & Marketing professional with over 10 years experience. She has good insight of shopper and consumer behaviour. She has been privileged to build and nurture new brands to achieving a sustainable growth. She is the CEO of Studio612, a full fledge Photograhy and videography studio located in Lekki, Lagos. She is also a blogger, writer and publisher of Family3ree Magazine. She holds a degree in Mass Communications and a diploma in Theatre Arts from University of Jos. She is an affiliate member of National Institute of Marketing, Nigeria. She is the brain behind Mimi Adeyemi's Blog, a relationship and Marriage blog. www.glamsquadmagazine.com 23
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